Well on I had a feeling that something was up. So on Jan 23 I decided to finally find out, AM I PREGNANT? We had been through this a few months prior, but sadly it ended in miscarriage. I never knew how losing something so small and that I hadn't even met could hurt so much. I guess you could say that I was hurt by how some people treated me when this happened. Not bad, but I guess somehow in my mind I expected everyone just stop and mourn with me. But it's such a common occurance, it's kind of just left up to you. Luckily I was able to get some time off of work and just feel sorry for myself. Cory was great and helped me along the way and stayed strong for both of us. It was hard not having family here, so crying over the phone was the next best thing. It was hard to come to grips with the fact that people who I felt didn't 'deserve' to have a baby were having lovely healthy babies, and I wasn't. And that we got bombarded with pricey pricey hospital bills with nothing to show for it, while others get to have babies without it costing them a dime. It took me a while to be grateful for what we have and that we are blessed. I am so thankful for great friends and a loving husband that buoyed me up with great advice and love. So naturally this time around I have been a little leary. I went to our local CVS and bought a test. And I remembered the last time I did this Cory was away on business, and teased me for not waiting for him. So I called him to see when he'd be done with work. 3 more hours! Ah man! The suspense was killing me!
Later that night, the time had come:
We both could not believe it! We were both freaking out with excitment and nervousness!
The next day I called the doctor and had a blood test. The results came back and everything looked like it was moving along fine. I have my first appointment and ultrasound in a few weeks. I about died when they told me it was too early to come in. So far I feel pretty ok considering. I am just super tired and lightheaded a lot with the occassional headache. I am trying to brace myself with how much my body will be changing. Call me shallow but to me it'll be a huge shock! So as of now, goodbye 'normal' Lindsey, bring on the baby!
